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Saturday Night’s Stone Cold Main Event

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Coach tells Vince that he’ll be able to discover who the illigetimate child is by comparing the information Vince gave him with the active rosters. Vince tells Coach that there was one night, in the 70’s, in Kansas, with a black woman truck driver…Coach replies that he’s black, was born in the 70’s, in Kansas, and was adopted….LONG night for Vince…

Coach and Vince go out to the ring and Coach says that he’s done the research and may have discovered who the illigetimate child is. The music starts and out comes Eugene. Vince tells Coach that he remembered the night in question, and that he’d had sex with a woman, NOT his cousin…

Eugene says, “Uncle Eric said that you nailed my mom, and that was why he got into wrestling, to put you out of business…” Eugene hugged Vince and Vince told him to get out of the ring…poor Eugene.

The next possible child is Melina. Melina comes down to the ring, a scowl on her face, and shakes her head at Vince. Vince whispers to Coach that Melina can’t be his child because…well…it’s Vince…like he can keep his dick in his pants…He says it was a “harmless July 4th Meeting”. Melina replies that he’d better hope she’s not his daughter, because if she is, she’s going to take him for “every cent he has”.

She leaves the ring and Vince calls her an ungrateful bitch…how’s THAT for being gentlemanly?!

Coach is ready to call it off at this point, but Vince says to bring the last one on.

Enter the Rattlesnake.

Stone Cold comes out to the ring, gives his love to the fans in all four corners, and confronts Vince. Vince swears that there’s NO way that Stone Cold could be his son. Steve starts talking about all the time they missed, about how they could’ve had their first beer together…”that second beer…that third beer…that fourth beer…well, you get the picture.”

He tells Vince that his grapefruits are a big overactive, and that there has to be some way he can help the man by calming them down. He stood in front of Vince and lifted his leg straight into Vince’s sac. Vince grabs his sac and Stone Cold grabs him by the lapels, leans down, and slams it home with his forearm right into the grapefruits.

He then stuns Coachman and gets beer from his mystery thrower. He chugs down a few before pouring some on Vince’s “grapefuits” and some in Coach’s mouth. Vince gets up and Stone Cold reminisces about how wonderful it is to be back in Madison Square Garden. He tells Vince that they need to have a beer together, to celebrate it. Vince starts drinking his beer and Stone Cold stuns him…he walks out with a smile on his face…

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